Rae

They called me Rae 

While floating in a black pool of water 

Fallacious currents 

Drifting 

Swirling 

Lulling me to sleep 

Limbs 

Stiff like a plank of hard aged oak 

Sinking to the bottom of the ocean’s endless streams 

Icy water 

Thick water 

Rushing 

Flowing over my arms 

My hair 

My thighs 

It 

Stopped 

Stopped at my thighs 

They called me Rae 

When sweat was rolling off my body 

So profusely 

I knew 

I was no longer sleeping 

Heavy rough hands 

Were searching my body 

Looking for a way to enter my private places 

The most forbidden places 

They called me Rae 

Because the sweat 

Made it easier 

To penetrate me 

I remember 

Thinking that if I can make my body stiff enough 

It 

He (I can say that now) 

Wont go any further 

But I was wrong 

I remember 

Fearing that if I let him know 

I am no longer asleep 

He will 

He will… 

Well, he will do much more than he already was 

They called me Rae 

But I didn’t know how long this would last 

My dreams 

My nightmares 

Seamed to last much longer than conventional time 

At critical points in our life 

Time warps 

It bends 

It transforms itself into an existential phenomenon 

A trap 

A black hole 

It becomes the last few endless moment’s one experiences 

As life 

One’s own life 

Escapes the confines of the body 

They called me Rae 

At school 

I could still smell the sent of my own 

Sweat 

His touch 

Of fear 

And lust 

And sin 

Weighing upon my body like the sting of iodine 

On a fresh cut 

They say the pain 

Is to make it heal faster 

They called Rae 

On the yellow school bus 

Honking at my door 

Delivering me to my judgment 

I remember 

Sometimes 

I would try to hide from the all-knowing-stairs 

From the nuns 

From Father Benedict 

They were clued in for sure 

They knew God 

They knew everything 

They called me Rae 

And I remember everything 

Each night before I went to sleep 

I prayed 

“Now I lay me down to sleep.  

I pray the lord my soul to keep. 

If I die before I wake, 

I pray the lord my soul do take” 

11/01 

@2002 M.R.Shebesta

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